You are responsible for curating your own online experience.
If something upsets you, makes you angry or queasy or triggers you, stop reading/looking at it. Avoid things that might make you feel that way.
Learn to use the Sort and Filter function on AO3, especially the Exclude tools.
On social media, block and mute accounts / tags / words when necessary.
If you hated something, you don’t need to tell that to the creator or start pointing fingers at them publicly.
The Back button is free. Use it.
Addendum:
Yes, for this to work, creators need to tag their works accordingly, so that people know what sort of content they are about to engage with and can nope out if necessary.
I will probably make another PSA about the importance of proper tagging later.
Ship And Let Ship
or SALS
You are allowed to ship whatever you want.
Everyone else is also allowed to ship whatever they want.
You are entitled to dislike or even hate a ship. If you want to do this online, in public, don’t use the ship tags for hate posts.
If you see someone posting about a ship they like and you don’t, there is no need for you to start arguing with them in their replies / comments / QRTs / reblogs. Don’t throw your hate in their face.
Do not harass fan creators or fans for shipping something you disapprove.
All of this also applies to liking / disliking an individual character.
Addendum:
”I agree with this, except when…”
No, then you are NOT agreeing with this.
Let me make this VERY clear. There are NO exceptions. None.
You don’t EVER harass real people over pixels.
If you disagree with this, kindly block and move on.
Your Kink Is Not My Kink
or YKINMK / YKINMKATO
The longer version is ”Your Kink Is Not My Kink And That’s Okay”.
People have different tastes. Not everything is for everybody.
Even if you don’t like a specific kink, other people are still allowed to use it in their creations.
You are entitled to dislike kinky content and think that it’s ”weird”.
Don’t kink shame or judge people based on their kinks.
This goes both ways: your kink is not someone else’s kink, so don’t push it onto those who are not into it.
Be Kind
or Don’t Be An Asshole
Focus on the things you like instead of the things you hate.
Create and unite instead of destroying and dividing.
Don’t harass real people over fictional things.
Stop stirring up petty drama just to get some attention on social media.
Stop trying to ”win”. Fandom is not a competition.
Remember that your own experiences aren’t universally shared. Your perception of things can differ from someone else’s, but that doesn’t mean either of you is necessarily wrong.
I know I've been over this but man HRT is good stuff. I wanna shake the hand of whoever invented it. It's a crime that I don't know who that is actually. They're more important than Einstein
id also been really curious about the history of hrt so i had some tabs open:
The first hrt treatments were mostly estrogen extracted during pregnancies to be used for menopause symptoms, but the first usage of those medicines for trans women is credited to the world's first Trans Clinic, opened in pre-WW2 Germany by Magnus Hirschfield, a gay jewish man.
The comparasion to Einstein was actually made at the time too! He was commonly refered to as “the Einstein of sex”, to which he supposedly once replied that he would rather Einstein be called “the Hirschfeld of physics” lmao
seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything
this post has blown up to the point where some of the folks in the notes are starting to think it's about exclusively office jobs (it's not; had the same problem when i worked in a busy deli - when we reached a rare lull and had cleaned up the counter from the rush we weren't allowed to relax or sit for five minutes (this is why food service workers go in the walk-in: sometimes you're the only one in there and you can sit down)) and i also just want to say slacking off at work will NEVER be a no from me. even if a coworker is a little slow during a rush and it's bothering me i will never get on them about it because i know that person who's moseying and relaxing isn't ever gonna rat on me to a boss type if i happen to do the same . we will never achieve comfortable working environments unless we allow one another to goof off and chill out! anway stream david graeber bullshit jobs
“It's taboo to admit that you're lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven't left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn't transition well to adult life, that you'd fall right through the cracks. And look at you now, it's happening.”
On the topic of new trans men figuring themselves out and how it’s not like anyone gives out a manual on how to be a man, and also on the topic of supporting more queer POC
Can we talk about the unique experience of genuinely not knowing what haircuts to even consider when you’re black??? Because like… “short hair” happens with both black men and black women, bald/shaved happens with both, long happens with both, braids and locs happen with both, afros happen with both
It took me forever to figure out that I can do all of the variations I’d been doing, just that the unique styling is different on these gender lines.
As a Black trans man who wants a hair cut really bad, it’s hard for me to even visualize a buzz cut on a Black person. Like I see so many posts helping trans men out with how they would look if they got a hair cut, but pretty much all of them have white people as examples. Trans men of color are THAT invisible to the point to were I’ve convinced myself that I wouldn’t look good with short hair.
Sure, I can look up pics of Black men with a buzz cut but 99.9% of them are gonna be cis Black men, folks I look nothing like. And if I add in trans, I’m scared that instead of getting articles about hair cuts, I’m gonna articles about violence we’ve faced over these past few years.
I wanna see sites and articles discussing Black hair and styles for Black trans people. If there’s a site for it, I’d like to know dearly and I want that shit to be boosted to high hell because resources for Black hair, let alone for Black trans people aren’t really around. Especially when it comes to Black folks with 4c hair, like myself.
At the end of the day, no Black trans men or Black trans person in general should be convincing themselves that they’d look ugly with shorter or longer hair, just because they can’t seem themselves being represented anywhere. It shouldn’t get to that point. Ever.
You’re right, even trying to google black trans masc hairstyles mostly just gets you white people with white people hair. Yeah sorry that’s literally not possible with my hair texture.
I’ve sort of had to… make things up as I go along. Like you, I was told repeatedly that my hair texture does not look good when cut short. It took me a very long time to want to try a shorter style as a result. It took me even longer to say fuck it, big chop, and shave my head bald. There. Starting fresh.
What I’ve found has been working for me is to first figure out what hair texture you have. I find just googling “black male hairstyle” will get you mostly 4c hair which is great for those who have it and the facial structure to match! And less great for those who don’t! With me having 3b/3c hair, I was able to find a number of short styles on a wide variety of faces and thus was able to figure out what worked best for how I like to look. And it did take some experimentation and trust, but it ultimately made me really appreciate taking the time to actually do my hair rather than feeling like it was this massive chore.
Once you find your hair texture, you need to do two things:
Figure out what hairstyles you like best with your hair texture. Avoid gendered terms if you can. If you want a short style, look for short styles. If you want a long style, look for long styles. BLACK MEN CAN AND DO WEAR THEIR HAIR LONG frequently as an afro, braids, or locs. It’s up to you to then decide if that long look is something you’re interested in, and how to masculinize it if so. Personally, I prefer the ever popular shaved sides look, and eventually will be getting braids or locs with the length on the top depending if my 3b/3c hair will actually cooperate with locs. I did the fro look for a while and I’ve had cornrows but for the most part I put some product in it and wear my natural curls that way. Protective styling is a big big thing with black men even though it’s mostly only spoken about in the context of female styles. I had a really long conversation with a black coworker about protective styles and how he chooses to do his hair, which is actually longer than mine.
And, figure out the best care for your hair texture. For me, I have a rotating schedule of oil to rub into my scalp and shea butter pomade to style with when wearing my hair natural. All those selfies of mine, if my hair is free, it’s got one of the two in it. I got a lot better about protecting my hair at night, using a leave-in overnight and the day after wash day. Being consistent on the timing of wash day. I use black owned shampoo and conditioner in my hair made specifically for black men. I use a durag and a sport cap to protect my hair on days when its most prone to damage. My hair has never been healthier and I’ve never been happier with the way I can wear and style it.
It was a huge transition for me because I used to have waist-length hair and then shaved my head bald about a year and a half ago to start over and build a better routine than semi resentment from the ground up.
With your 4c hair I would say to take a glance at these:
As there are a number of different styles besides just shaving your head completely bald, and depending on your comfort level, you can try out a good deal of them before making a firm decision on what exactly you want your head to look like.
You can also do like me and just walk into a barber shop and tell them that you have to play a male character for a production and you have no idea what to do with your hair and see if they’ll help you, but I recommend only doing that if you’re willing to get a “we don’t cut girl hair” while you’re trying it. I did that the first time I cut my hair short and to his credit he did cut my hair fairly short and style it well, but it was still far too feminine for me, so I explored a lot of options after that.
Holy shit thank you! @ my followers, PLEASE boost this addition! Black trans folks out there might need this and it might just help them out with their hair or even with just simply feeling seen! A Black trans person taking time out of their day to share their experiences and resources could use some boosting and this carries a lot of personal information and advice in it! DON’T undermine this valuable information!!!
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